Spyware Warrior

[goldengreek]

SUMMARY OF THE PAST YEAR ON MY COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop
in the glue on envelopes because I now use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish..

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an
email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca Cola because I've learned that it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I now know that I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore
because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.

Thanks to my many internet friends, I can't use anyone's toilet
but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the
seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to the great advice, I will never pick up $5.00 I
dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there
by a spam molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your
head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will
infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this
will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...


Have a wonderful day....

PS: A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy
study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and
sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

[hornet777]

too good, g'greek!
Its a dangerous world aint it?

[suzi]

Sounds like someone has been reading snopes.com.
_________________
Former Microsoft MVP 2005-2009, Consumer Security
Please do not PM or Email me for personal support. Post in the Forums instead and we will all learn.