Spyware Warrior

[goldengreek]

>>> If Abbott and Costello were alive today...
>>>
>>> You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and
too old
>>> to
>>> REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those
of us
>>> who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
>>>
>>> If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous
>>> sketch,
>>> "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
>>>
>>>
>>> COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store, can I help you?
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking
>>> about buying a computer.
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Mac?
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Your computer?
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Mac?
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: What about Windows?
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in her e?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?!
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to
write
>>> proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Office.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: I just did.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: You just did what?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Recommend something.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Yes.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: For my office?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Yes.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Office.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just
say
>>> I'm
>>> sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. ! What do I
>>> need?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Word.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: What word?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Word in Office.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with
>>> some
>>> straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have
anything
>>> I
>>> can track my money with?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Money.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Money.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Money.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: One copy.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
>>>
>>> (A few days later)
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store, can I help you?
>>>
>>> COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
>>>
>>> ABBOTT: Click on "START"............
>>>

[bigos]

Damn I must be too old!
_________________


Life is for living not just for prolonging!
B uzzz

[fcukdat]

How old are y'all

_____________________________________________________
According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags and riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded.

We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms.

We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt!&n bsp; We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits. We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other parents.

We played knock-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. We walked to friends' homes.

We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of...they actually sided with the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them. Congratulations!

Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good. For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us.

This my friends, is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face:

The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986........they are called youth. They have never heard of We are the World, We are the children, and the Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel. They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda Carlisle.

For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam.

AIDS has existed since they were born.

CD's have existed since they were born.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance.

They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films from last year.

TheThey'll never have pretended to be the A-Team, the Dukes of Hazard or the Famous Five

They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone. Now let's check if we're getting old...

1. You understand what was written above and you smile.
2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.
3. Your friends are getting married/already married.
4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.
5. When you see children with mobile phones, you shake your head.
y can never imagine life before computers
_________________
Malware hunter....Got Bot ?

MIRT Handler >>>
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[bob30880]

A while back I was managing a garage, a kid brought his car in and had to leave it to be worked on.

He asked if he could use the phone to call home for a ride, I pointed it out on the other side of the office.

A minute later he called me over because he could'nt figure out how to use it.

It was a rotary dial......
_________________
DYSLEXIC'S UNTIE!

[Crap Wear Worrier]

"A minute later he called me over because he couldn’t figure out how to use it.

It was a rotary dial......"

I need more sleep DURING a night out.
My friends are getting divorced

You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers – yes, why aren’t they knocking seven kinds of sh*t out of the damn things?

You see children with mobile phones, you shake your head. Yes - we had to make do with two old tin cans and a short length of string.

You can never imagine life before computers – no, but if it hasn’t happened already – all the things we enjoyed as kids will soon be available as a computer game. (I’ll probably buy it).

Oh, and a skateboard was an old Beano annual on a rollerskate… and the Beano annual would probably be worth a few bob now…

[Turtledove]

Thanks fcukdat that gave me a smile, and brought some happy memories
_________________
Graduate of Malware Removal University
WinPatrol, Online Armor,
AntiVir,
Smile...It WILL get better